Friday, March 06, 2009

Eye Opening

I went on a bit of a reading spree this past week. I read For Men Only and For Women Only (technically this was in reverse, since Women came out first... but whatever).

What can I say? I really enjoyed these books and would recommend them to anyone! While they've been out for a while, I had never heard of them until Pookie brought out Men this past Sunday. Of course, I immediately took it away from him and gobbled it up. We went a couple days later to the bookstore so I could get the one for me. I found the books to be well-written and very informative.

What made me like them so much? I think the benefit of reading Men first was that I could read it and apply almost every "secret about women" to me. That made me realize that the authors had done their research and were doing their best to honestly portray women. And they did a crackerjack job. So when it came time to read Women I wasn't nearly as skeptical and able to read it with an open heart and mind.

My big eye opener came at the end of the book. As evidenced by my past few posts, I've been struggling with my weight. It concerns me. It frightens me. It frustrates me. What I didn't realize, was that my husband has been feeling the same way. That's a lie. I did realize it, but his concerns annoyed me since weight and my looks are a ME issue, right? It's whether I'm happy with my weight, clothes, hair, etc. He picked me--he's seen me at my best and my worst. Didn't he make that vow on our wedding day? That no matter what I looked like, he'd have to love me? Maybe that was only in my version of the vows...

It's not that he doesn't love me because of the way I look (and the book continuously reemphasizes that we're not just talking about weight)! He does and shows me EVERY SINGLE DAY with how hard he works to provide for us, his loving words, choosing to spend time with me over anyone else, being willing to forego his World of Goo or Lara Croft Tomb Raider games to watch a movie with me... all of it. I feel so loved. The issue is in my motivation. Being in a relationship can't be all about ME. It's about US, me and him. And the way I look and take care of myself is important to him. He cherishes me. I should cherish myself, too, if for no other reason than to honor him. I have to keep that in mind when I feel alone in my weight battle. I'm not. I've got the world's best support system with me forever. And he wants me to be the best version of me I can be!

It's a hard idea to swallow. Feminism and self-esteem movements have made it taboo for anyone (much less a husband... a MAN) to have a preference about the way a woman looks. But I really think there's something to why so many women struggle with their self images and all of that... maybe we need to look at ourselves through our husbands' eyes and realize that he loves us AND wants us to be confident and happy with how we look. It's not about being the perfect, ideal woman. It's about being your perfect, ideal self.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Goal

I found this shirt at

Once I've reached my short-term goal of working out and dieting for a whole month, I'm going to treat myself to it. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can make it!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

My Pants Don't Fit

I have a little black dress. I wore it to my bachelorette party last June. I felt sexy and attractive all evening--and that was with being surrounded by my gorgeous best friends, Leslie, Katy, Sarah, and Zana. That was eight months ago.

Six months ago I got married in the perfect white dress. Again, I felt like a knock out. Fast forward six months, and I can't fit into my pants much less any of my dresses--be they black or white.

It's humiliating to realize that I lost everything I worked so hard for. Clint and I worked out every day for the 5 months leading up to our wedding day. I ate egg whites and flavorless, cold chicken breast every day. I sweated and cursed through it, knowing that it was all going to be worth it b/c I was going to be beautiful on my wedding day.

August 16 came and went. I had a nice, relaxing honeymoon and ate whatever I wanted. That bled over into my daily life upon our return. We had to move so we almost immediately began packing. There were thank you cards to write (I still think I missed a dozen or so), wedding presents to open, an Oklahoma City reception to attend, plus I still had to work. I was tired. I didn't want to exercise. I didn't want to think about what I was putting in my mouth.

Truth be told, I hate exercise. I hate dieting (or "life eating plans"). I hate scales. I hate charts comparing my height and weight that tell me where I should be. I hate heart rate monitors. I hate alarms that wake me up at 4:50AM so I can get to the gym and downtown by 8:00. I hate it all.

I also hate feeling fat. I hate that when I pulled my business suits out this week, none of them fit and had no choice but to wear them. I hate the feeling of the waistband cutting into my bulging fat rolls on my stomach. I hate that I have to roll my trouser socks down b/c my legs are so swollen that the elastic band cuts off the circulation and my legs start to hurt. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing that ugly, round face from high school. I hate it all.

I'm going to get back into that little black dress, mark my words. I am. I am going to get in it and stay in it. It will be my litmus test. If I can wear that dress confidently and comfortably, then I will have achieved my goal.

So I will be eating:

3 egg whites
1/4 c. oatmeal (sweetened with splenda)
1 scoop protein isolate powder mixed with water

10AM Snack
2 ounces chicken
1/2 c. green veggie (usually lettuce)

1.5 scoops protein isolate powder mixed with water
1 apple or grapefruit

3PM Snack
2 ounces chicken
1/2 c. green veggie (usually lettuce)

4 ounces lean meat
1/3 c. green veggie

And I will be doing:

45 minutes to an hour of hard, push-myself cardio 4 days a week and will be doing muscle toning training 2 days a week. I'm doing squats, step-ups, shoulder presses coupled with lunges, the stairmaster (an evil machine), the elliptical, the treadmill, the bike, pushups, crunches... I'm doing it all.

Mark my words. I'm getting back into my dress.