Friday, February 20, 2009

My Pants Don't Fit

I have a little black dress. I wore it to my bachelorette party last June. I felt sexy and attractive all evening--and that was with being surrounded by my gorgeous best friends, Leslie, Katy, Sarah, and Zana. That was eight months ago.

Six months ago I got married in the perfect white dress. Again, I felt like a knock out. Fast forward six months, and I can't fit into my pants much less any of my dresses--be they black or white.

It's humiliating to realize that I lost everything I worked so hard for. Clint and I worked out every day for the 5 months leading up to our wedding day. I ate egg whites and flavorless, cold chicken breast every day. I sweated and cursed through it, knowing that it was all going to be worth it b/c I was going to be beautiful on my wedding day.

August 16 came and went. I had a nice, relaxing honeymoon and ate whatever I wanted. That bled over into my daily life upon our return. We had to move so we almost immediately began packing. There were thank you cards to write (I still think I missed a dozen or so), wedding presents to open, an Oklahoma City reception to attend, plus I still had to work. I was tired. I didn't want to exercise. I didn't want to think about what I was putting in my mouth.

Truth be told, I hate exercise. I hate dieting (or "life eating plans"). I hate scales. I hate charts comparing my height and weight that tell me where I should be. I hate heart rate monitors. I hate alarms that wake me up at 4:50AM so I can get to the gym and downtown by 8:00. I hate it all.

I also hate feeling fat. I hate that when I pulled my business suits out this week, none of them fit and had no choice but to wear them. I hate the feeling of the waistband cutting into my bulging fat rolls on my stomach. I hate that I have to roll my trouser socks down b/c my legs are so swollen that the elastic band cuts off the circulation and my legs start to hurt. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing that ugly, round face from high school. I hate it all.

I'm going to get back into that little black dress, mark my words. I am. I am going to get in it and stay in it. It will be my litmus test. If I can wear that dress confidently and comfortably, then I will have achieved my goal.

So I will be eating:

3 egg whites
1/4 c. oatmeal (sweetened with splenda)
1 scoop protein isolate powder mixed with water

10AM Snack
2 ounces chicken
1/2 c. green veggie (usually lettuce)

1.5 scoops protein isolate powder mixed with water
1 apple or grapefruit

3PM Snack
2 ounces chicken
1/2 c. green veggie (usually lettuce)

4 ounces lean meat
1/3 c. green veggie

And I will be doing:

45 minutes to an hour of hard, push-myself cardio 4 days a week and will be doing muscle toning training 2 days a week. I'm doing squats, step-ups, shoulder presses coupled with lunges, the stairmaster (an evil machine), the elliptical, the treadmill, the bike, pushups, crunches... I'm doing it all.

Mark my words. I'm getting back into my dress.

1 comment:

danielle said...

good for you!!! you will do great! i, too, hate exercise. i hate to sweat. but i also have to get this baby fat off.... i will be joining your weight loss journey! :)